Oddities
Oh, Boston. Boston, Boston, Boston. I just don't understand. Why are you spending money and man hours on pounding faux-brick-shaped crosswalks into the pavement at intersections? 1) the orange color does NOT match the brick of the sidewalks. 2) why are the brick-shaped things just outlined? 3) it looks so tacky. 4) I'm sure there are plenty of potholes and other such cracks upon which to fix your financial focus. Why tacky up our streets?
And another thing: What is with all the vomit? Now, I know I live in the midst of Northeastern University, and that implies a profusion of students with a tendency towards early-twenties alcoholism, but I have seriously seen about five obscene puddles of vomit on the streets around my apartment in the last two weeks. These puddles are obviously new, and have mostly occurred on week days (not including Thursday, which is the new Friday). Their spray radius also implies a certain violence and urgency of action. What the heck? Why can't anyone figure out how to guage their alcohol tolerance? I do not want a repeat of last night, when I was walking home with my friend Ryan. We were talking, and all of a sudden, mid-step, he grabbed my arm and pulled me roughly to the side, and shouted "VOMIT!!!" Thank God he did, because I had been inches away from sliding into the largest, freshest puddle of vomit I have ever seen. Ew. People. I know you're just being young and impetuous, but please attempt to keep the digestive pyrotechnics to your bathroom. Even the gutter would be better than smack in the middle of the sidewalk. I beseech you. Stop throwing up in public.
And what is with opera singers being the most obnoxiously germophobic people ever? I understand that it's easy to catch things, but why must they keep talking and talking and talking and talking about how they're sure they're getting sick, and projecting it onto you, if you so much as sniffle, clear your throat, or cough. I really don't need people constantly suggesting that I'm going to get the bubonic plague. Really. The mind is a powerful thing, and if they would just try to concentrate it on being well, instead of being ill, I think there'd be a lot less going around. And honestly, please keep the horror at being handed a phone used by a sick person to a minimum, and if you must slather your entire body with Purell, please do it in private. The smell of that much alcohol might actually make me sick.
And another thing: What is with all the vomit? Now, I know I live in the midst of Northeastern University, and that implies a profusion of students with a tendency towards early-twenties alcoholism, but I have seriously seen about five obscene puddles of vomit on the streets around my apartment in the last two weeks. These puddles are obviously new, and have mostly occurred on week days (not including Thursday, which is the new Friday). Their spray radius also implies a certain violence and urgency of action. What the heck? Why can't anyone figure out how to guage their alcohol tolerance? I do not want a repeat of last night, when I was walking home with my friend Ryan. We were talking, and all of a sudden, mid-step, he grabbed my arm and pulled me roughly to the side, and shouted "VOMIT!!!" Thank God he did, because I had been inches away from sliding into the largest, freshest puddle of vomit I have ever seen. Ew. People. I know you're just being young and impetuous, but please attempt to keep the digestive pyrotechnics to your bathroom. Even the gutter would be better than smack in the middle of the sidewalk. I beseech you. Stop throwing up in public.
And what is with opera singers being the most obnoxiously germophobic people ever? I understand that it's easy to catch things, but why must they keep talking and talking and talking and talking about how they're sure they're getting sick, and projecting it onto you, if you so much as sniffle, clear your throat, or cough. I really don't need people constantly suggesting that I'm going to get the bubonic plague. Really. The mind is a powerful thing, and if they would just try to concentrate it on being well, instead of being ill, I think there'd be a lot less going around. And honestly, please keep the horror at being handed a phone used by a sick person to a minimum, and if you must slather your entire body with Purell, please do it in private. The smell of that much alcohol might actually make me sick.
posted by wendy @ 11:01 AM
1 Comments:
At 1:44 PM,
Anonymous said…
Why does anonymous keep trying to sell you stuff? What's permission email marketing? A wine refrigerator? I'm sure that's at the top of your priority list. Sorry anonymous #1 and Rod. You do have a great blog, though.
I'm glad you didn't step in the vomit. I find it's basic etiquette to puke on yourself if you can't make it to an appropriate receptacle. It’s time people in Boston learned that. Maybe the city should refocus its energy from blemishing its streets with tacky bricks and make no-vomit-here-puke-on-yourself signs. I’m envisioning a yellow diamond sign with two stick figures: one puking on the sidewalk as the don’t-do-this example, and one puking on itself as the do-this-instead example. We owe it to the sidewalks. They’re our future.
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